15 – AYAKA
BIG VOICE. BIG HAIR. Ayaka stands out as one of the best singers in Jpop. She’s actually my personal fave among them all. Her high-pitched vocals, meaningful songs and powerful single (Crescent moon) make her a star to watch out for. But every time she performs on stage, she always wears the baggy, boho style with the same big hair. And THAT spells trouble. I mean, the girl is not only talented, she is also very pretty. The clothes don’t do her justice.
14 – NAMI TAMAKI
This girl is famous in the gaming world for singing the catchy, dance-y game tunes. But she seems to be the one who’s playing a game with us in this polka-dotted black and white number and red top with transparent plastic raincoat vest. It just doesn’t make sense.
13 – ANGELA AKI
Hmm… I do get the angsty piano genius look she has going on but does she ALWAYS have to wear a numbered jersey to every freaking performance? Music station, Buduokan, it doesn’t matter! She probably has a closet full of them! What, is she like a baseball fan or something? Love her music, but sometimes her voice tends to become a bit pitchy, and her songs are a bit repetitive. Even RAIN is trying the AKI look. FAIL.
12 – BOA (Her teeny bopper debut days)
Seriously. She’s channeling Kanjani8’s powers with this colorful eyesore. Sure, she’s trying to dress her age but she just looked like a pink cotton candy with a fluffy mushroom hat on her head. Note to BOA, too much sweetness can make you gag.
11 – MIHIMARU GT’S HIROKO
We all love Mihimaru GT’s lively tunes and that hot guy partner Hiroko has. And speaking of the color pink, has anyone noticed why some people just have to wear ALL PINK just to make a point??? Like the previous ranker BOA. The string y hair, moss green scarf wrapped around the arm (which serves no purpose, really), discombobulated accessories AND that hideous poofy PINK couch that’s part of her outfit – whew, IS JUST TOO… FREAKING PINK.
10 – LEAH DIZON
When Leah first started out, I actually thought she was pretty cute. Her songs are catchy, she also wears a lot of pink in her videos, she even did that cheerleader stunt slash student by-the-lockers vid ala Britney. The hideous pink moulin-rouge bra outfit is the one she always wears in her Koi Shiyu perfomances (see my previous post on Leah). But just like Britney, she lacks good vocal chops (though her dancing is so-so). AND she gets trashier and trashier as time goes by.
Well, that’s no surprise, since she’s queen of gravure even before they exported her to Japan. On a side note, it’s the first time I heard that the word “gravure” has a negative connotation. From what I know, it’s a process in photography. But thanks to millions of under aged teen skimpy posers, gravure now spells porn.
Leah’s the girl who’s famous for what she wears – OR NOT WEAR. No wonder JE boys are lusting after her! Geez. I had to cover the screen so that my mom wouldn’t suspect me of oogling dirty porn! Come on, Leah! Cover that booty!!!
HERE COMES BRIDEZILLA. And to think she even has her own wedding dress line. Oh, hell no. Groom will run bolting through the door.
9 – SHOKO NAKAGAWA
Serioiusly. Who in his/her right mind would want to cosplay an office lady? And what’s with the pointing?? Or maybe this is her everyday look, we’re not really sure.
Here she is wearing one of Subaru’s (Kanjani8) leftover shiny plastic. Looks like those kiddie gum wrappers were sewn into this dapper number.
And yes, she also does gravure. Why the hell is EVERY female artist in Japan doing gravure anyway?? Just try googling any random Jpop girl and a horde of pervy pics will cause your eye to bleed. It just seems so damn normal!! And unfair! Why was there a nationwide commotion when Yamapi’s flat butt naked pics came out and there’s practically no reaction to young girls posing like this??
BATTLE OF THE ROCK STARS
8 – MIKA NAKASHIMA
SHIINA RINGO. One of the best forerunners of Jrock. Tokyo Jihen is a brilliant band. And Shiina has that signature scratchy voice with the signature mole. But her style can sometimes be creepy.
SPEAKING OF CREEPY…
6 – MORNING MUSUME
Johnny’s sister school apparently borrows their dizzy psycho stylist from time to time. Aside from looking like Kanjani8 on crack, these photos look like the ones you would normally see displayed in some dark, seedy love motels in Tokyo. Or they look like those ditzy pre-adolescent girlies working in Akihabara waiting on in MAID CAFE’s to the delight of sick, pervy otakus and dirty old men.
5 – AKB48
THE HELL. Poster Girls for ANTI- CHILD LABOR. I don’t even have a clue as to how their music goes. I suspect they sing about walking their dogs or brushing their teeth every morning. And they’re so freaking numerous they probably take the whole screen time in one show just introducing themselves!!
4 – GAM
The sub-unit made duo of Aya Matsuura and Miki forgot-her-name-and-I-don’t-care. They’re quite infamous for making a lesbo music video that’s not only bordering on obscenity, it’s also a cheap and desperate gasp for attention. They always wear those skimpy cheap ass outfits that make them look… cheap.. And their name GAM?? How creative. psshh..
And speaking of creative group names… *C-ute?? And in PINK?? AGAIN. Somebody please call the Social Services. Or the police. Have that pervy H!P boss arrested.
3 – MAKI GOTO
2- AYUMI HAMASAKI
AND THE QUEEN OF TACKY IS…
1 – KODA KUMI
Finally she toppled Ayumi Hamasaki over! She’s always had that sexy image – but sexy doesn’t have to mean slutty! Talk about being non too subtle! And I could never really finish any song of hers without clicking the fast forward button!
VEGAS SHOW GIRL. As I was looking at her pics it suddenly dawned on me… Koda looks like..
TANNING BED GONE WRONG. Kumi looks like a cross between a Ganguro girl walking in Shibuya streets and Christina Aguilera in her dirrrrty days.
5- SHORT BOWL CUT
4 – POODLE HAIR
2 – BEEHIVE HAIR
LEAH DIZON. WITH SOME CREEPY FANBOY.