JE Fashion Don’ts

The Tegomass MV review post that mentioned the fashion mishaps of JE stars garnered quite a number of violent responses so I figured it wouldn’t hurt much if we rub some more salt and acid in their stylist’s wound just a little bit more. I’ll be busy for a long while so I want to leave you with this special post.

Disclaimer: This is not a personal attack on any of the boys. It’s just the Fashion Police talking. And these offenders need to be fined. WARNING. IT IS ADVISABLE TO WEAR SUNGLASSES. THINGS CAN GET MESSY, YOU MIGHT GET BLIND. Here are the Top 15 JE Fashion Don’ts you wouldn’t be caught dead wearing. 15 – Sentai rangers. Go, go power rangers!!

Oh wait. I mean Hikaru Genji. The group that started it all. We all know that 80’s was an era of bad fashion – because of them. Here they are channeling MC hammer with a hint of Vanilla ice-ice-baby.

14 –Old man Subaru likes wearing his granpa glasses.


Makes him look even older than he already is. Er, Baru ojisan… your kouhai Hey Say Frump youngins are catching up.

Even Ryochan likes ’em specs big and dorky. (Gasp! is that dress wearing man with manboobs their infamous stylist??) Although I must admit Ryo does look quite good in them. BUT…

Johnny Depp does the emo-eccentric-but-still-look-cool eyeglasses better. Sorry boys. 13 – Bright colored plastic. Save the environment boys. There’s already enough pollution as it is.

Kanjani8. Why am I not surprised? Aside from their weird dance choreography, these bright orange garbs are just too much for the eyes.

NEWS. Okay. The different cuts and designs don’t hide the fact that they all still look the same plastic mess. It’s just that Shige got it real bad.

This guy took wearing plastic just a little too far. (Tacchon: WTF??)


12- Some like it sleeve-less. 

Baru. Old time multiple offender. Wait, are those Christmas lights I see ? Oh well. At least you can glow in dark streets without having to worry about being run over by a car. Or not. Some are confused if they want their sleeves or not, so they tear one off and leave the other.


Sing your heart out Maru. WAHAHAHAHAHA!

11 – GASP! GASP! You guys went on a Hawaiian vacation??? NO WAY?! WE COULDN’T TELL. REALLY.

Ryo looks pissed. Shige looks like he was drugged so that they can make them wear this… thing. Kei and Massu are faking it. Pi doesn’t care. Pretty little princess Tegoshi loves the smell of flowers.

10 – Stupid hats on the rise.

 

Ueda the circus master. Creep.

.

Pi is having an identity crisis. He’s not sure whether he wants to look like a Vegas show guy or a genie. Please. Don’t wear a Persian carpet. Poor Golf and Mike. They used to be normal, happy boys. Until JE took them to Japan. What was the deal with “Kitty GYM” team up anyways? Just. Don’t. Get. It.

9 – Kanjani8 skinny arms and ribs galore. 8 – Shine, baby, Shine!!

Tackey and Tsubasa. I think they’re the only ones who can actually pull off shiny sequins and leather pants combo. On a side note, Tsubasa “the serious one” is the better dresser among the two. Tackey “the pretty boy” isn’t called “tacky” for nothing.

JE’s GOLDEN BOY. We all know that the multi-talented Ryo shines the most among all of the JE boys. But not literally.



7 SAVE THE ANIMALS FROM JE. PLEASE.  Specifically from K8’s Subaru and Tacchon. I actually saw them wearing feathers in one concert. Poor chickens. Not suitable for dancing. Or for human consumption in general. Wonder how those things weigh.



6 – Is JE really exclusive to boy idols? Kat-tun and K8 Cosplay. Leave it to the hentais and otakus guys. Please. It’s just too… suggestive.

Tegoshi belongs to this category just because he’s TOO girly.

5- Fur, tassles, shiny stuff. Way too many things going on. AT THE SAME TIME.

 


American idol wannabe Renaldo. “I am your brother, your best friend forever.” Now we know he’s talking about JE idols. Poor vocals and terrible fashion sense?? Come to Japan Rennie and go on a JE
 audition. YOU WILL FIT RIGHT IN.


Maybe NEWS should try out for A.I. Simon Cowell will eat them alive.

 

Can you imagine NEWS making a comeback in this outfit?? Even Pi looks like he’s about to barf.

 

Arashi! Arashi! For BEAM! Beam them to outer space where they belong.

WARNING. WEARING SHADES IS A NECESSARY PRECAUTION.

Put them all together, what have you got?? Johnny’s New year countdown is one big explosion. Of JE tranny mess. You should know by now that YOUR STYLIST HATES ALL OF YOU. SERIOUSLY. HE/SHE/IT SNIFFS POT BEFORE DESIGNING THIS TRASH.

4 – Kanjani8. AGAIN.


Talk about waking up on the wrong side of the bed! K8 wears blankets to their concert.

The next on the list does not occupy a particular rank…

I put Kame here just because his eyebrows scare the hell out of me. Kame, what the hell is with that face?

3 – That’s so Michael Jackson. Decades ago. Kat-tunk, in case you don’t know MJ is one pedophilic plastic surgery addict. You wouldn’t want to go down the same path.

Kat-tun. Lots of flailing. Their new vid dance choreo is a bit reminiscent of Bacsktreet boy’s “Backstreet’s back.” Jin. Stop making that hair happen. Cause it won’t. Kame looks like he outgrew his pants.

 

I really don’t know what the fuss is about Jin’s hair in their DUES vid. Seriously Jin. Leave the colored, braided and curly rastafarian hair to Kpop stars. Tablo rocks it better than you do.

Gangsta? NOT.

2.5 – Kanjani8. YET AGAIN.

The disunited colors of K8. My eyes!!

Oh, Kura. As if the whole get up wasn’t enough. You just had to wear THAT bandanna. TSK.

K8 loves clowning around. Too much. Watch their “It’s my Soul” vid. They looked like HARD GAY wearing leather biker shorts and cowboy hats. Johnny is cruel. Maybe SHIGE should join Kanjani8 and give Ryo a break…

 

You have got to be eff-ing kidding me.

2 – I just could not resist giving a special post to this guy.

 

Yasu is a fashion disaster waiting to happen. He shops for clothes in Elton John‘s garage sale. Eminem is pissed.

AND THE ONE ALL OF HIS KOUHAIS IMITATE OR AT LEAST ATTEMPT TO LOOK LIKE… THE TOP TACKIEST, MOST DISASTROUS FASHION VICTIM IS…

1 – DOMOTO TSUYOSHI!!

Now we know where Ueda got his stupid hat. Note to Kinki Kids. Eggplant is soo not your color.

It’s really weird because he’s been voted by NHK as the best dressed (in everyday clothes) celeb. Geez. If he wears everyday clothes that bad, what more if he’s on TV? Congrats Tsuyo. You’ve made old Johnny proud. ***********************

BAD HAIR DAYS TOP 5

I personally think that “Tacky” is one of the most good- looking boys in JE, if not THE most good-looking. But his hair is just… OH, NEVERMIND.

We’ve always wondered what Nakai hides underneath his beanies and hats.

Now we know why.

Kimutaku to Nakai: Wear your hat and cover that ridiculous squirrel hair dammit!!

TOP 3

Ah, those were the days. The orange days, that is. And no, Yamapi wasn’t born beautiful. He did undergo the strange and difficult phase where he thought that looking like a lizard was cool.

TOP 2 IS A TIE AMONG THE BLONDIES…

 

Some random SMAP guy whose name I don’t know. Exactly.

Taguchi. No words can describe how ridiculous your hair looks like. It’s just so… fake. And Yoko? Easy on the bleach, dude.

Koyama loves blending in the background.

Wow. A K8 member. How surprising! Thank goodness you learned your lesson Ryo.

TOP 1.5

If you’re going to decide to have a bad hair day, why not do it TOGETHER? Sho and Aiba rocks the out-of-bed look. With much failure. News… just. TEGOSHI!!!!

TOP ONE

ALL HAIL KING DOMOTO TSUYOSHI!! YOU’RE THE MAN! That’s right. Cover up that hideous hair with another hideous hat/wig/ rug whatever you call that thing on your head is. Hope it’s not alive.

IF READING THIS POST DIDN’T GIVE YOU A SEVERE HEADACHE. IDUNNO WHAT WILL.

 SORRY I FORGOT TO PUT THESE IMAGES IN. FOR MORE BAD HAIR… READ ON.. NO WORDS.

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One Response

  1. u forgot the Arashi’s “Legendary” costume

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